Friday, 6 April 2012

100 Word Challenge by Thomas

On Easter day a boy named Jack got a chocolate bunny, so he ran outside to find more. He searched and searched but he could not find any more. So he ran back inside and started peeling off the shiny gold paper, and then it revealed a thick layer of chocolate. He licked it slowly it tasted of pure gold, he turned his head to make sure nobody was there .He ran outside to make sure nobody could touch his bunny. Unfortunately it was so hot the chocolate rabbit melted in the sun when Jack saw it he cried loudly.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Thomas,

    It seems Jack was so busy trying to find more chocolate and keep people from seeing the chocolate bunny he missed out on the chocolate altogether. :)

    Your story is well written. In fact, the only suggestion I could make is there might be one or two places where you could have taken a new sentence. Well done, Thomas. :)

    I hope you keep entering the 100WC.

    @RossMannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher, NSW, Australia

    ReplyDelete

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