Friday, 30 March 2012

100 word challenge by Jamie

There was a chocolate rabbit won't be long to a little boy he luvt hi rabbit but the chocolate rabbit melted in the sun  and when he found it was in a pile and he got a new one and he put it no the serfis and he came back and his big buver had  etid it.
And he was upset
and his mum got him a new one and he attid it up and when it was easter he got lots
of egs and he gave unto his mum and his dad and his big bruver the end.

3 comments:

  1. great to see you got it finished, interesting little story, well done, from Mrs Smith

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Jamie

    Thank you for joining in the 100 Word Challenge!! It's so exciting to see so many young girls and boys like you joining in!

    Jamie, you need to be careful with sentences - you've got a lot of words up there but it's all become one sentence. If you can break it down into three or four sentences it makes it easier to read.

    You've got a few bits where I think the words got a little muddled. Now this could be the typing because I know that sometimes my fingers get in a knot and I can't write what I meant to write. Make sure to check your spelling for example bruver should be brother. If you can sort these bits out I'm sure your stories will be amazing - it's a good effort though and keep writing

    Hannah

    (I'm from Team100WC)

    ReplyDelete
  3. that was close well done 99 words!

    ReplyDelete

Please leave a comment for Ash Class. I will add your comments as soon as they have been checked. Thank you, From MrsM