Friday, 30 March 2012

100 Word Challenge by Heather

the easter egg hunt



   The day came silently and slowly but it came
  but somehow it was here .The big easter hunt,      
 everyone gathered in the street standing and  staring at the chocolate rabbit because it had melted in the boiling  hot sun .The whole street gasped in amazement and started shouting”that was the only prize we had to offer”.then the town cryer came out and said” G’DAY TO YOU ALL WHAT SEEMS  TO BE THE PROBLEM “.our chocolate bunny has melted mr town cryer “ “oh ok i'll go to new york to get another one” “but  “  there’s no other way for it .The very next day he went to get one  and the easter hunt began again .

3 comments:

  1. I love the opening sentance, made me read on from Mrs Smith

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  2. I like the opening too. I hope the town crier brings back a few extra chocolate bunnies - if the whole town is joining in the hunt they'll need them!
    Well done for using speech in your story - it really helps to bring it to life, but watch out for your punctuation and don't forget those capital letters! Good job, Heather.

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  3. Hi Heather,
    I agree, your opening sentence captured my interest straight away. I liked the way you tried to incorporate speech in your story - well done. Again just make sure your read your work through carefully to check for punctuation errors. My year 5's find reading it aloud often helps them find any missing punctuation.
    Keep up the great work Heather and I'll look forward to seeing how your writing progresses.
    Mrs McGuinnity (Team 100WC)

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